Top Ten Reasons to Become an Orthodox Jew

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Reasons to Become an Orthodox Jew

You will become an instant topic of conversation and amusement amongst all former friends

You will no longer have to eat your Aunt Harriet's homemade pork rinds

Bums, vagrants, total strangers and missionaries will strike up conversations with you on the subway about theology, philosophy and the meaning of life (if in New York add - while their accomplice steals your wallet)

You will never have to decide between chicken and beef on airline flights (except on El Al where there is no difference between them anyway)

You will become a close friend and confidant of all the staff at Food City Kosher Department

You will have the privilege of donating half your income to a Jewish day school (and your firstborn)

You will understand all of Jackie Mason's jokes

You will no longer have to agonize over French, Creole, Thai, Sushi, Italian or Indian cuisine. Your choice becomes upholstered cardboard (also known as kosher pizza), pseudo-Chinese, or triple-bypass deli sandwiches on rye (with added cholesterol and a pickle on the side)

Men - your bald spot will always be covered
Women - you can have your hair done and it doesn't even have to be on your head

For one entire day every week you cannot be reached by phone, cellular, pager or E-mail

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