Parshat Vayishlach
PARSHA OVERVIEW
Returning home, Yaakov sends angelic messengers to appease his brother Esav. The messengers return, telling Yaakov that Esav is approaching with an army of 400. Yaakov takes the strategic precautions of dividing the camps, praying for assistance, and sending tribute to mollify Esav.
That night, Yaakov is left alone and wrestles with the angel of Esav. Yaakov emerges victorious but is left with an injured sinew in his thigh (which is the reason that it is forbidden to eat the sciatic nerve of a kosher animal). The angel tells him that his name in the future will be Yisrael, signifying that he has prevailed against man (Lavan) and the supernatural (the angel). Yaakov and Esav meet and are reconciled, but Yaakov, still fearful of his brother, rejects Esav’s offer that they should dwell together.
Shechem, a Caananite prince, abducts and violates Dina, Yaakov’s daughter. In return for Dina’s hand in marriage, the prince and his father suggest that Yaakov and his family intermarry and enjoy the fruits of Caananite prosperity. Yaakov’s sons trick Shechem and his father by feigning agreement. However, they stipulate that all the males of the city must undergo brit milah. Shimon and Levi, two of Dina’s brothers, enter the town and execute all the males who were weakened by the circumcision. This action is justified by the city’s tacit complicity in the abduction of their sister.
Yaakov decides to leave Lavan, but Lavan, aware of the wealth Yaakov has made for him, is reluctant to let him go, and concludes a contract of employment with him. Lavan tries to swindle Yaakov, but Yaakov becomes extremely wealthy. Six years later, Yaakov, aware that Lavan has become dangerously resentful of his wealth, flees with his family. Lavan pursues them but is warned by G-d not to harm them. Yaakov and Lavan agree to a covenant and Lavan returns home. Yaakov continues on his way to face his brother Esav.
PARSHA INSIGHTS
“I have sojourned with Lavan.” (32:5)
Life can be divided into two distinct phases: input and output. In one’s childhood, our brains are largely set to “record”, and we record by imitation. A child learns to speak by imitating his mother. A boy starts to learn by imitating his teacher.
Part of raising a child is to encourage positive role-modeling and minimize contact with negative stereotypes.
In this week’s Torah portion, Yaakov sends a message to Esav that he “sojourned with Lavan.” The numerical equivalent of garti, “sojourned,” is 613. Yaakov was hinting to his brother Esav that Lavan’s negative influence had not rubbed off on him, that he still kept the 613 mitzvot.
A similar example is when Yaakov prays to Hashem (28:21) to return him in peace to his father’s house without Lavan’s negative influence. Even though already 75 years old, Yaakov was still concerned that the natural instinct to imitate might lead him astray.
This also explains the Torah’s praise of Rivka. Despite being surrounded from the cradle by evil people, she was able to sense that they were unsuitable role models, and she did not learn from them. Only an inherent holiness could have protected her.
The second phase starts when a child reaches maturity.
At this point, imitation should give way to our motivation. It is not enough for us to do things because “that’s the way we always did it at home.” Lessons learned through imitation must be re-learned and made our own. If not, we will never grow to be truly independent thinkers and doers. Not only that, but our own ability to be role models for our own children and students will be severely limited.
A quarter of an hour a week may be sufficient, but it has to be quality time. If one’s spouse or child were to comes and ask for advice, we would make sure to close the door, take the phone off the hook and give them our undivided attention. Should we not give ourselves the same attention?
In a world where the next unwanted distraction is just around the corner, it takes a little effort to create the silence of solitude that is the key to maturity.
- Based on Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe
